cantarbailarhablar asked: It is evident in how [and how much] you wrote that you are passionate about education... if I could be intrusive: What, exactly, is giving you pause about the position? Financial stability? The recognition you're getting in your workplace? Good luck and keep us posted!
What is giving me pause? Excellent question.
I think, like a lot of people, there is the fear of failure. I totally rocked student teaching, and I am (or will be) awesome at this job. I’ve been pursuing this for the last 7 years, and I really think this is where I will be happy and successful. But… what if I’m not? What if student teaching was a fluke and I actually suck? I really don’t want to find that out. Also, not getting the job would be awful, so if I don’t apply, they can’t reject me. :)
Secondly, I have been at my current position for over 10 years. They have been wonderful to me, and very supportive of my career change. Since student teaching, I have taken on additional projects and am really right in the middle of a few things that I am very invested in, and I would hate to find out later that all my work went by the wayside once I left. They have invested in me, though I remind myself that they have definitely gotten back more than what they put into me. Plus, considering the work I am currently doing, I am underpaid, so I shouldn’t feel bad about the investment.
(It should be noted that every single person here would shove me out of the door if they thought I was holding back from education jobs for their sake. They are really that supportive. This is about me, not them.)
Financial stability is not an issue; we are a dual-income, no kids household and my husband is well compensated and secure in his position. The only small thing to consider is that right now I am union, and we are both on my health plan, and it’s awesome. We could definitely still afford my 4 medications and our regular doctor’s appointments, but it would cost us more if we had to switch to his health insurance. Hopefully if I was full-time at a school the benefits would be fairly close to what I’ve got now, but it’s an unknown. Definitely not a factor in considering potential jobs.
I think that if I hadn’t waited so long after student teaching, I would feel differently about this. But there weren’t jobs worth applying for last summer, and very little came through my searches this year too, so I wasn’t prepared. The start of the school year is coming up fast, and I am just feeling a lot of anxiety. Mostly unfounded. But I’ve come down from the high of a successful student teaching placement, and have been out of the school system for more than a year, and it has me feeling more anxious than I should.
It should be noted that I kind of did this when applying to student teach, too. I delayed in sending in my materials until way after the deadline, and nearly didn’t get a placement for the semester. I think it’s that fear of failure thing, exaggerated by the passion that I have for teaching and the feeling that nothing I do will ever satisfy as much as that.
Apparently I am getting in the way of my own success.